This post is personal in nature (well this whole blog is actually) but I decided to write this piece because I’d really like to get it off of my chest. I need to clear some much-needed space mentally and emotionally.
I have shared before that I am not so good with money. Today I am here to share that I treat money horribly. So horribly in fact, that my bank account is overdrawn and I’m scared shitless that I won’t get a job where I can clear that because they’ll do a credit check.
Pitiful. Absolutely pitiful.
After leaving my last position (which I still celebrate on occasion), I was convinced that I would be employed in no time doing exactly what I wanted to do – actual policy analysis. As of the writing of this post (September 23, 2013), I can share that I still don’t have a job doing what I wanted. Most days I feel like I jumped the gun on leaving my job but then there are the few days where I know I did the right thing. BUT (and this is a major but) with my leaving my last job I realized that one of my biggest fears has shown up in my life despite my trying to avoid it – not being able to take care of myself.
Even with the assistance from family and the support of some friends, it has been a trip. Figuratively speaking that is and while sharing with my Journal exactly how I felt, I understood that I had been packing for this trip long before I got to this point. If you’re checked baggage has ever been oversized and you didn’t want to pay extra, you’ll understand my next point. As with any flight you prepare to board, your luggage is weighed. When it is oversized, you pay more. When you have too much, you pay more.
My most recent financial lesson? I’ve been doing both.
Prior to leaving my last job, I financially supported other people when they would ask for monetary favors. Because I had a hard time saying no and a HUGE complex about being seen as selfish, I would acquiesce and it would hurt me (no one had to guilt trip me because I’d do it myself). Now that I don’t have that income, I have a clearer picture of just how harmful that practice was.
The lesson? At a time when I should be enjoying life and the fruits of my labor, I’m stuck at the ticket counter not being able to get on my flight.
Stay tuned for Removing Your Financially Emotional Baggage.