On my personal blog, Miss C. Jayne, I shared how I was impacted by the sermon during my church’s annual Women’s Day. You can read the entire post, but i wanted to share what my revelations has shown me about my personal connection to money.
Yesterday, our speaker shared a lesson and entitled it, “Why me?” Many times, it is in our human nature to ask this question when we find ourselves in uncomfortable positions. I decided to pay extra attention since I found myself asking that question almost daily in a tear-filled fit (these mini-breakdowns have not been pretty, but then a mini-breakdown is never pretty). While speaking, she shared something that stuck out to me: “The trials (in our lives) reveal our trust (in God).*” When she said this, a thought immediately flashed in my mind:
The problems we create in our lives reveal our priorities.
When this thought hit, I found myself in a strange place of calm and understanding. It literally felt like everything was muted. I thought back to my largest frustration – money and the bill collectors on my phone. I thought about my inability to apply to PhD programs, something I’ve wanted to do since 2008, because I owe money on my student accounts at my former universities. I even thought about the current state of my bank account (takes deep breath) and the fact that I owe $1,089 to even get my balance to a cool $0. I thought about every single student loan that I owe on and I felt nothing.
For a moment, I wondered if I had made my transition to the spiritual world in church but I was quickly brought back to my senses when I was elbowed by another person in my pew (lol).
I didn’t die (thank goodness) and I felt a strange sense – clarity. Not peace but clarity. My heart still races when I think about the debt I have at 27 years old but since yesterday, none of that has been embarrassing or daunting. I realized that my priorities have been misaligned and I made decisions in haste with serious consequences. I had a small “Had I known then what I know now” moment. I simply took that moment to remind myself, “But I didn’t know and that’s okay.”
With this clarity, I’m moving forward and making the necessary changes to course correct. After all, that’s why I’m here sharing my story and journey with you all. I hope that you learn from my missteps or that you get some encouragement about your own financial situation.
If you’re still living, it’s never too late to align your actions with your priorities to move towards living the life you want.
*Words in parenthesis are my own and added for context.